thehippiespeaks' Journal

Coincidentally, That's What I Had for Dinner!
"Your breath is like a heady blend of wine and strawberry ice cream."

French Handball Just Sounds Dirty To Me
"I love shit like this! I could get into soccer! As long as I don't have to watch it."

Pillow Talk (I Just Got Home From a Work Trip)

"I missed you..."
"Because I was not in Indianapolis!"
"...though I had a nice king size bed."
"But no king!"

Actually, I'm Known Around The House as 'Tough Guy'
"I told you about [his Libertarian boss]'s gun, right? He bought one because somebody said he couldn't. His spite gun."
"Yeah, you did. I want a gun that shoots spite."
"That should go on your blog: 'The Shithead Speaks.'"

Real Emotion In His Voice
"I hated getting take out of a game. Those little league games were, what?, six innings. They would take me out after the fourth and put the fat kid at first base and I would get pissed. Fat fucking Wally Wescott."

I watched Million Dollar Baby. I know how to throw a punch.
"You just threw a real shot!"
"I know! I can't stop giggling!"
"You were like Jay Miller!"
"I don't know who that is!"
"Want me to go to hockeyfights.com and show you? I think that might even be a real thing - lemme look."

We All Have Our Moral Guideposts
"Would you rather have tofu and broccoli or chard and goat cheese and pasta for dinner?"
"I don't know. What would Rod Beck do?"

He Flatters Me
"Can I have a bite of your bagel? Just a little one! Look how little it is!"
"That's what I think whenever I look at you."
"What?"
"'Look how little it is!' Except when I'm looking at your chest."

This Conversation Took Place at 8 AM
"When I was out running just now a truck went through a puddle and soaked me! It was totally like the opening credits of Sex and the City except that I wasn't wearing makeup or a tutu."
"Aw, do you need a martini?"

Current Events
"I hope in heaven Michael Jackson is the ten-year-old Japanese girl he always wanted to be."

He Would've Made A Nice Camgirl
"Dude, they love me on the internet."

He Is Emotionally Supportive
"Bike Week ends today. I'm going to have to start buying my own breakfast again!"
"Aw! I really care about that."

They say it runs in the family.
"If you asked anyone in my family why [a relative] had shock treatments, they would just tell you 'The nerves. She had the nerves.' Why are you making that face?"

He Works Hard To Balance His Media Diet
We were discussing how when he finished watching the Netflix disc of "Hulk vs..." cartoons, he picked right up with Berlin, Alexanderplatz and how middlebrow titles sometimes seem to linger in the Netflix queue relative to aggressively stupid and extremely smart things.

"Come on, don't you remember Netflix week one? Orson Welles in blackface or Roman Polanski in drag? I can't remember what the third movie was, but yeah, it was probably a cartoon."

Religious Tolerance
"I lived with an Amish guy for a few months and I thought he was a total asshole."

He Is New To Social Networking, And In Love With His Coworker's Adorable Dog
"I think Facebook might know too much about me. I'm getting an ad over here for dachshund puppies."

Oh, Wait, I Was Wrong
"I only ate one slice, you bitch!"

He Had Two Slices Before I Got Home, And Is Now Eating T-Giving Leftovers
"Are you going to eat that other slice of pizza?"
"Yeah, there just wasn't room for it-"
"In your mouth?"
"-in the toaster oven."

The Context Is The Best Part
He works with a guy who knows a guy who's in federal prison right now. (Serving a sentence, by the way, in violation of this law. I was like "Pete knows a terrorist? Cool!") Guy-in-prison tells guy The Hippie works with that an immensely popular prison activity is...

Wow, I can't even type it without cracking up again.

Dungeons and Dragons.

"ALL THE RAGE in prison right now, 'cause the fourth edition just came out. Can you imagine? 'Will we get enough rec time to finish the bard's tale?'"

Advertisement